My my, how time flies!! I did have every intention of writing faithfully, but got side tracked along the way. An easy thing to do when something is uncomfortable, as writing is for me. So where have I progressed since the last post?

The raw food luncheon business I had with a friend is closed. Because of the rising costs of organic food and the stress of being a two person operation was causing havoc on our health, we decided to call it quits. This was a good choice for us and we are now friends again (it got a little dicey when we worked together) and our respective health is better.

My husbands health continues to decline. He is weaker and needs more help with his transfers and other functions. He almost always needs assistance with eating. But you know, his increasing dependence on me and the caregivers has been so subtle, it's barely noticeable. We just do what needs to be done.

Don't misunderstand and think that I don't have fear, anger and resentment, I still do, but it's much less than it used to be. These feelings don't raise their ugly heads up nearly so often since I started to study Kabbalah.

Back in August 08 I went to a program called The Best Kept Secret sponsored by the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angles. I went because I was really cranky with my husband, stressed at work and basically very unhappy. I consider myself a happy person most of the time, but I wasn't even close to that all of the time.

The two hour lecture resonated very deeply in me and gave me hope I could get a grip on my life and make a difference in my self and others.  I made the commitment to study Kabbalah and have never regretted it even though it has been hard at times. The tools I am learning teach me how to make lasting change my life by I acting with a purpose and causing thing to happen instead of always reacting to what occurs. I used to say I my life was like the feather in the Forest Gump movie...blown about by the wind landing wherever, then being lifted and sent someplace else. But more about Kabbalah in later posts.

This is just a catch up. I am going to post in earnest in the future. I also am going to share my struggles with my husband's illness in hopes this will offer support to others who are caregivers. My desire is to have this site be a resource for sharing the sometimes difficult emotions that come upon us that only we can understand. I have changed the name of the blog to reflect this new direction I am taking - and to help me keep writing!