You know, it is so incredible how the more I run away from even the thought of leaving my comfort zone, the more opportunities I get to do so. This makes me feel good and bad at the same time. I want to stay all wrapped up and cozy in my little self created world, but I know that to grow I have to be uncomfortable, to push myself beyond that safe security of the predictable and move into the unknown. I haven't written in this blog since July of last year and now, all of a sudden, you wonderful people are reading it. This fact triggers me to write, if only to keep you coming back, which feeds my ego (not a good thing), but that's the truth. There is also a touch of guilt mixed into the emotional brew of blogging, at least for me.

I love to write, and I'm confused I'm so reluctant to do so here. Of course, it could be I'm afraid if I spill my guts out to you you will think less of me, and then there is when I write from the heart I feel vulnerable (just a wee bit).

Things would be easier if I remembered writing a blog is similar to talking to a bartender - particularly a busy one who can't take the time to talk back to me. So there I perch blathering away, actually to anyone who will look at me for more than a few seconds, pouring my heart out about about whatever, perhaps we could call it a verbal orgasm, and when I've run out of steam I pay and leave feeling ever so refreshed and ready to meet the next day. And all I've done is bore some poor soul silly for a little while....he or she could have just up and left after all.

I am by no means suggesting this behavior for you, nor do I do this frequently, but I have done it and frankly, it's a whole lot cheaper than paying a therapist. For big emotional wreck things I seek or have sought professional help, but for, let's say writers block (which really is what I've got no matter what the excuse is) or some other minor (in the greater scheme of world catastrophes) issue, I would go the bartender route. I would be there right now if I hadn't figured it out with your help. That is with your silent reading, occasional comments and (this is pure conjecture but comforting none the less) your care and support. Thank you. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.