December 21, 2005

What a difference a day makes! Yesterday at this time I was getting ready to exercise and tell my coach I had breast cancer then go see the surgeon who was going to take out the tumor. I was weepy and very nervous. I was planning on having a double mastectomy (I was thinking this was a good idea for two reasons 1. I didn't want to be lopsided 2. as a preventive) and feeling it had to happen immediately because I was so bad.

Well, here I sit with Pepper (dog) at my side feeling pretty calm. The dr was great, neutral in his presentation (I think if he had been sympathetic I would have lost it). He said I had two options, a lumpectomy or a mastectomy. I have decided to have a lumpectomy, which I had never thought I was a candidate for. We didn't talk about pathology and that's the thing that gets me scared, so it was a good move on his part not to do that. I will have my breast and do radiation and chemotherapy. The lumpectomy is not nearly as invasive as a mastectomy and the recovery is rapid. Plus I don't need to schedule a plastic surgeon because I won't need any reconstruction. I want this done NOW.

Steve and I were going up to Michigan for Christmas but I've canceled that, it's just too much for me and I also told the kids not come for the holidays. I really feel the need to be alone - pay bills, get organized, read and go inside myself.

Steve is okay, actually great with not going up - he didn't want to anyway. I also didn't want to ride on a plane, get sick then have to postpone surgery.

Tomorrow I go for a PET scan. It's a full body scan to see if I have cancer anywhere else. I'm calling this morning to schedule surgery.