A Round About Way to Insight

As frequently happens, I am posting this from the circuitous route of Internet surfing. My first stop was here, the home base for an online class I am taking called Ordinary Courage. Berne Brown is a Shame Researcher, and the class is geared around creating 'shame resilience'. Frankly, I had not thought much at all about shame - my shame or how I shamed my children through my parenting, so this class is a real eye opener.

If you had any OhOh nudges, when you read the word shame, I encourage you to pick up her book, I Thought it was Just Me. Even if you didn't feel an inkling of emotion, the book is worth reading.

I am a little behind with the classes, and this post is inspired from the April 29th class, which focuses on Self Compassion. Another new concept to me and hopefully to you also, otherwise reading this is going to be a boring and you probably won't stay around long enough to get to the meat of the post which is a list of ways to feel good about yourself.

Kristen Neff is a self-compassion researcher and has a nifty test to see where one falls on their level of self compassion. As you might guess, since I had never heard of self-compassion, I had an eye poppingly low score, but now have lots of new insights where I can improve on how I treat myself.

On Neff's Link Page I found what we are finally getting to - a list, created by Rick Hansen Phd, of 21Ways to Feel Good about Yourself.  You can go to the link and read the whole list, but I am going to give you a couple of my favorites. This is not your ordinary list, although you will see suggestions that are not so very new, but the list has an interesting bend, and I like that.


Do the right thing. The bliss of blamelessness. Practice the virtues that are the
foundation of any psychological growth or spiritual practice.


Exercise your capacities. If you have talents lying fallow, start using them. “The
most expensive piece of equipment is the one not making any money.”


Reflect on your accomplishments and good qualities each day. Perhaps take
brief inventory before going to bed each night, answering questions like these: What
did I get better at today? How did I act with good character? What have I gotten
done? In what ways did I help others?


Be fair. You would want to be fair in your judgments of others; why do you,
another human being like them, deserve any less?


Sort criticisms about you into four piles – “not valid,” “valid but to heck with it,
I’m not going to change that one,” “not a moral fault but worth putting in correction
from now on,” and “deserves a healthy wince of remorse” – take maximum
reasonable responsibility for the third and fourth piles, make the appropriate
changes sincerely and diligently (perhaps even specific amendments or expiations
for serious wrongdoings), and move on.


Stick up for yourself within yourself. Talk back to irrational or self-critical
thoughts. Classic examples: Comparing yourself to others (especially unfair
comparisons); equating the worth of who you are with the success of what you do.