last night at the sarasota film festival i saw a remarkable movie - Crazy Sexy Cancer. it's a video diary by Kris Carr, a young woman with a rare stage 4 liver cancer. she is 31 and this cancer is untreatable. the film is about her journey through shock, fear, sadness, to actively taking charge of her life and living fully even though she has 24 yucky tumors living in her liver. she started to make the film shortly after she was diagnosed and says being a film maker helped her through tough times by allowing her to remove herself from the subject (her cancer) by putting on her director hat. the film is funny and touching with a bunch of happy endings...not a downer at all. TLC bought it and Crazy Sexy Cancer will air in august.
on her site she asks, "why, when we are truly challenged do we give ourselves permission to truly live?" Good question, but i can't answer it because i know i'm not truly living yet, and i don't know how to get to that point. i said to steve after i got home that my life is pretty much the same as it was before i got cancer. i've had no defining moments, no ah ha's as to what to do with myself, no feeling i am being lead in a certain direction.
kris was a single actress living in new york when the film started, at the end she still lived in new york, but she is married, a film maker and very involved with cancer support for young women. her life is completely different.
i'm jealous of how clearly her path presented it's self, when i can't see any path for anything. my feeling about cancer is; 'yeah so what, so i had cancer, i'm over it.' but maybe i need to look at that a little more, maybe acknowledge it instead of being a tough girl. i know i got cancer for some reason, i just don't know what that reason is which frustrates the hell out of me. maybe that attitude also has something to do with not being able to realize what i'm going to do with my life. i'm so anxious to get to someplace and have clarity i don't experience all that the mucky and muddy waters have to offer...hum...
well, thanks for this little chat. i'm going to go think now.
-
What gets me is that when I was doing chemo, particularly Adriamycin, my skin looked amazingly good. I felt shitty, but my skin seemed to gl...
-
Sometimes Mommy does reading, or "studying", as she calls it. That means I can sit right next to her on our cozy sofa, but I can... -
Well, things did not go as smoothly this week. We had a replacement teacher who did not seem to be at the top of her game. How this played o...
1 comment:
Wow..! now that is what i call as solid determination..!
Post a Comment