December 15, 2005 cont'

I wasn't really smooth when I told the girls (my daughters A & V - aged 37 & 35). Sort of did a bunch of pauses and squeakie voice stuff, then said," I have breast cancer," or "It's not good," or something equally insensitive. But they are resilient and we were soon giggling about cow udders and cat tits. (They knew about the biopsy and were waiting to hear from me so it wasn't as if I just called them out of the blue).

Steve (husband) is trying to be stoic, but I can't imagine him not being scared shitless. Our world is going to change pretty radically and he is going to have to get help. (Steve has MS, is in a wheelchair and needs help transferring and with personal things much of which I do).

I'm going to have to get help. V has volunteered to come down to live here for the treatment time, but I really don't want her to be put out like that. I will pay for help if I have to and the girls can come visit. I say that now...we shall see.

That's it...we shall see. I have no idea how I will feel after things (healing)start. It's not healing - it's killing. KILL THE CANCER. When will I heal?