Talking to Yourself - It's a Good Thing

I realized yesterday that, unlike many people I don't have productive and meaningful conversations with myself. Yes, I have random mutterings clattering away between my ears which I occasionally dip into for, it seems, emotional sabotage or some other form of critical flagellation. But to have an honest to goodness "Good Morning, Leah, isn't it a beautiful day, how are you feeling?", kind of conversation, is something I haven't done in a very long time.

I learn this insight from attending a breast cancer support group and really listening to what my fellow sojourners were saying about the transition from being a patient to being just a person who has gone through cancer treatment.

This stage I'm going through is about taking my power back and making decisions predicated on my feelings and not my fears. When I was first diagnosed I willingly gave control of my health care over to the doctor. Even though I had done a fair amount of research, I was basically clueless about the big picture, and the doctor knew about that. So I followed her lead over the months until she said last month, "Good by, I'll see you in three months. Take care."

YIKES! I was on my own for the first time in seven months.

So now I've settled down a bit and accepted that I'm responsible for decisions concerning my life. But, as Dr. Phil asks, "How's that working for you?" Not great, I would tell him. I think it's not going as smoothly as I would like because I'm not having the conversations I need to have with myself. It's like my right hand doesn't know what my left hand is doing. I want to make changes in my life, but I don't know what they would be.

So this is my intension - to check in periodically with myself to find out just how things are inside, to be a friend to myself, to begin to love myself, and I bet all the rest will take care of itself.